Why am I even here right now.

On any normal day, I wouldn't hesitate to run towards this blog and write all of my feelings out. If it were concerning just any other person, I wouldn't think twice about /indirectly/ verbalizing my ill feelings, just to relieve myself of the burden. But this isn't an ordinary time in our lives /mostly yours/ and you aren't just anyone to me, so I'm just gonna keep this to myself and hold it in for as long as I can. I love you with all my heart--I'd kill for you, never, ever doubt that--and this isn't exactly about you nor is any part of this your fault. It's just that you're unfortunate enough to be friends with a person so filled with fear, doubt, and regret like I am. Nothing about this is your fault. I am extremely proud of you, and I wish nothing but great things for you because I believe that you are capable of many great things, far greater than what I could ever imagine.

I am really, really sorry for even feeling this way. I'm trying my best to get rid of such unpleasant feelings, but while I'm working on it, all I could really say is that I'm sorry.